They said there may be days like this.
A rough patch caused by stress. Money, family, work, any outside influence, really. But I never thought I’d really be in the relationship where the kids are in one room playing while we are in another threatening each other with divorce. Sometimes it feels like I fell asleep at the wheel while driving. I thought I was in control; Life was continuing on down this beautiful scenic road paved with wildflowers and grand views, then I suddenly find myself out of gas lost in a dark alley.
They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step.
And isn’t love a little addicting? Why is it that as humans we crave the need to be wanted; loved by others? How do you capture the euphoric feeling of butterflies in your stomach to save and use as a cure for the worst, most gut wrenching arguments where insults fly freely, not like butterflies, but like nagging mosquitoes through the air? Their bite might not be felt immediately, but it stays with you and reminds you of the upset.
They say not to compare your life to others’.
But isn’t that ridiculous today? We all have the friend who shares every little detail about their relationship with us on their social media. The flowers they got, the sweet gift received – just because, or the constant tagging in the sappiest memes. That outward display of affection never was quite our style, but I’d be lying if I wasn’t jealous of those posts. But then again, I don’t know what’s really happening behind that instagram handle. We continue to attend our social obligations. Happy for the few hours around other people, then quiet or bickering once back home. I contribute to the conversation among my girlfriends about the silly relationship quips leaving out the parts where we each admitted the relationship was over.
They say a lot of things.
But, I really just want to listen to my heart right now. I know we both intend to be happy within our relationship and ultimately want to work everything out to continue our lives as the healthy, happy, loving couple.
We’re currently in an upswing.
A high point of kissing each other goodbye in the morning as we go our separate ways for the day, texting each other just to say hi and check-in. This is the season that I wish would continue, but I have learned that without the lows, I can’t enjoy the highs. And if you’re feeling lost and alone because you and your best friend don’t seem to be vibing, please know that you’re not alone. Behind the welcome mats to our homes, I’d assume there are more similarities than differences. Find the positive moments. Try to be the catalyst of change to shift the dynamic. Write a raw blog exposing your secret. And remember why you love that person. I see it most reflected in our sweet, funny children and the joy I get out of being the best wife and mom I can be.