I choose love.
Ever have an in-law hate you? Ever have an entire family look at you differently because they are under an assumption? Ever have stories falsified about you? Ever wonder what in the world you did to deserve such hate? I have been asking myself these questions over and over again. What can I do differently? What could I have changed? Maybe I am this person they are assuming me to be?
I can promise if they have their mind made up, there isn’t much you can do (in my opinion). I have tried and tried again to get people that do not like me to like me and it’s a sad a desperate attempt. However, I wanted to have a silver lining for all the obvious heart ache. I don’t believe there is a single person in this world that wants to be hated by others. I would like to believe we all have love in our hearts and minds.
I’m going to share a little bit of my story, in hopes that I can inspire others to see the world in a way I’m choosing to see it.
My soon to be husband was an alcoholic, which is hard to even say. When I say those words, I wonder to myself how could I not have known. I was naive to the problem and mostly lived in denial. Well, his liver was starting to fail and he was way too young to even have a bad liver. The doctors told him if you keep living life this way, you won’t be making it to your daughters 10th birthday. In that moment, it finally hit me he has a problem and he needs help. It was a hard and bumpy road to be there for, but I never once stopped reminding myself that man I love is there somewhere and I must be the support he needs right now.
As much as I would like to say it was easy I would be lying. Being support to an alcoholic is not easy. I just had a beautiful daughter only a few months old and I was still readjusting to being a mom and coming out of postpartum. I had to manage my emotions while being a new mother and a supportive teammate. I’m glad I stuck through it and I’m glad I held on an was his rock when he needed it. Unfortunately, when he was at his lowest point and we looked to his family to help us through this rough time and they turned their backs. They told him he didn’t have a problem he was fine, although every doctor we visited had a different point of view.
Fast forward to now, I have been through a lot more than I would like to admit.
Everyone has a story and sometimes it’s not as perfect as we would like it to be but that makes us who we are, right? We’ve have made it through a lot and we are stronger than ever. He has been sober for two years strong with no sight of his past. We got married in October and excited is an understatement!
Here’s where my story gets a little grey.
As I shortly explained, we had no support from his family in any form. They chose to hate me for reasons that are beyond my comprehension. We had members of his family reach out and tell him not to marry me. We have had them plotting and seeking our demise. For the life of me I cannot understand why. I truly have asked myself a million times what in the world can I do. I have apologized in hope that even though I may not understand their hate, maybe moving past it and starting over would cure the issues at hand.
My conclusion: nothing can help a hateful heart.
I’m the type of person that needs a silver lining. A fuzzy story at the end to make all the heart ache and suffering worth it. I can’t find one, so I decided I will make a silver lining for myself.
After seeing how much it can hurt to be judged when others have not walked in my shoes and refuse to see things in any different light. I realized I do the same thing. I judge others whether I mean to or not. I pass judgement when I should only pass love and encouragement. I realized by having an entire group of people hate me on a basis of false truths and false opinions. It really hit me. I do this maybe not as extreme but I do this too. My goal from here on out is to choose to not be judgmental. I want to be more understanding not just for myself but for my children. I could never imagine turning my back on them because I don’t agree with who they chose to love.
If anything through this entire experience it has showed me that it is not my job to pass any judgement. It is only my job to understand and be supportive.