As my own child nears the age that I was when I was sent to live with my father I feel compelled to write this post.
I remember wishing my parents would get back together. I longed for it. For us to be a family again.
Our summers together went by too fast mom!
I ached when our visits were over. I would cry myself to sleep when I was back home and in a different state than you. I felt alone. It wasn’t fair for a girl to be unable to see her mother whenever she wants. I remember trying to soak all of you up during our time together. Staying up as late as I could when you let me. Our summer adventures were unforgettable. The memories are still so vivid and I think that is because our time was limited. Thinking back on it now, I know the sacrifice you made was a big one.
Today I’m a mother to a child who is almost that same age I was. And I can’t imagine it, being in that position – your position. I think of the internal struggle you must have had. Sending a child away. My body physically reacts, as I sit here writing, to the thought of sending my own child away. Many couldn’t bear it- I’m one of them.
Back then we didn’t have today’s technology. You must have longed to see my young face, to hear my small voice whenever you wanted. But you couldn’t. It would be easy to be bitter about you, at your decision. Or to be jealous of the other girls who had their moms to guide them in the day to day struggles of a young girl, then young lady and finally as a woman. But I wasn’t. You weren’t there and that was just what it was. I was blessed to be loved and cared for by so many other family members. But I’m here to say Dear mom, its OK that you sent me away. You knew I had the world’s very best dad. And that he could take care of me. He was more able than you. Of course you could have made it work but at what cost?
The person I am today is because of that decision you made so many years ago. So although I can’t fully understand it, I am grateful for it. The small voice and young face I see every day might not be my reality today if you kept me with you.