I recently had a baby.
I have been working on life as a mom of two. I love my new life of being a SAHM to two beautiful girls.
I love almost everything, everything except my post pregnancy body.
I know it took 9 months to get as big as I did… 201lbs to be exact, maybe a tad more but after 201, I didn’t get on the scale again. I know I was creating a life and my body was going through a world of change. Yes, I know I shouldn’t be down on myself for not being back to my prepregnancy size. Of course, I should give myself at least 9 months to get myself to where I was.
BUT, every time I try on clothes I’m reminded that I’m huge!
Before getting pregnant I wasn’t at my smallest but I still fit in my clothes. When I got pregnant I was so sick I don’t even know how I gained weight. For almost all of the first 5 months I was so so so sick. Yet my body was growing at a pretty quick rate. When I could keep something down, it was always carbs as they agreed with my stomach so much more than anything else. Before I knew it, I had gained more than twice the recommended amount.
Flash forward to 3 months after baby was born.
Summer is here and I needed a swim suit since none of mine fit anymore. I swear I tried on 20+ suits before finding one that wasn’t terrible. Even as purchased it I still didn’t love it and already made up my mind that I’d return it. My husband and friends told me it looked great. That I should definitely keep it.
Why couldn’t I see myself like they did?
Within two days of my bathing suit fiasco I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding. I reluctantly said yes… not because of my friendship with her, but because of the thought of trying on and wearing one of those terrible bridesmaid dresses. I’m sorry, but all bridesmaid dresses are the worst; the material is never forgiving and the cut is never a perfect fit. I think it’s their ploy to get you to spend more money getting it altered. But, there I went into one of the big name bridal shops and tried on those awful over priced dresses. I immediately regretted my decision and after numerous dresses, left empty handed.
I feel defeated. I am not even close to my old body and I know I probably will never be back to what I was. I am older and my body has changed. The weight may come off or not – either way my body will be different. I know all of these things yet I still cannot love this new me, I cannot see it as my husband does, or the way other women do – knowing that it created a beautiful little life. I cannot feel beautiful or sexy like I once did. I want to but right now I just can’t.
So, instead I’ll focus on the parts of me that I do like.
I’ll give myself compliments on the things that make me feel good. I’m a great mom. I am doing a great job at teaching my toddler how to be a respectable human. My body nourishes my baby by producing milk for her. I make my house a home. I am a great friend, sister, daughter, wife, mother. While my body may feel like a stranger’s, I will not focus on that. I will focus on the positive and hopefully it will help me see what others see.