The younger me wouldn’t have liked today’s version of myself.
I remember how she used to operate.
It took about 2 hours to get ready. 30 minutes to shower, 30 minutes on hair, 30 minutes on makeup and 30 for getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc. New clothing was required even for just going on a date. Sometimes her things were a little cluttered but over all she kept everything organized. Planning was key, if plans got cancelled it was borderline disastrous. Outfits were laid out in advance, sometimes for the week. She took extra care on her appearance. Packed a well balanced lunch. She was always maternal and knew kids would be a must. But that wouldn’t mean she would let herself go. A prebaby body and hair and makeup would still happen regularly. Being the planner type, she dreamed of having a little girl. She would be a “mini me.” This little girl would have an artistic side and love things neat and tidy. She might be afraid of the dark and be particular about how her hair was styled. But one thing was for certain one day they would both be perfect – she would be the perfect mom and she would have a perfect little girl.
Fast forward nearly 7 years, 3 kids and 2 dogs later and I’ve fallen short of all her original ideas. I’ve literally tossed them out the window. She didn’t know it but they weren’t something that I would be able to accomplish.
I would be sick from stress and anxiety if I was the type of mother she hoped to be. I’ve had to adapt from that young lady I once was – let go of those things that used to be a top notch priority. Those ideas/goals weren’t easy to let go but very necessary. But I didn’t like it – because she wouldn’t have liked it, letting go of it all.
2 hours of time would now be double the time I (along with the help from my hubby) take to get an entire family ready and out the door for the day. I don’t have time to plan things out like I used to, the things I organize are unorganized in the blink of an eye. I’ve cried a time or two over my efforts to organized my kids closets or their dishware cabinet. I am not put together with hair and makeup like I used to be, so many things and traits that seemed important to me back then are now impossible with the busy and chaotic life I lead.
Even since becoming a new parent I have had to let go of somethings I felt to be a huge priority. It’s not the end of the world if baby doesn’t to get a bath every single day. It’s ideal to eat organic but sometimes that’s not an option. And things will to be juuuuust fine.
Sure, sometimes I get on a little kick and go back to my old self – this typically leads to a deep clean or organizing project of some kind. But in this life I lead that sense of accomplishment and pride soon turns to despair when a kiddo comes along and undoes XYZ project. So I fast learned that I can’t put much weight into things that I used to. It’s simply the season I’m in. I wouldn’t survive this thing called motherhood if I did.
So I embrace the messy lifestyle that comes with having a lived in home with 3 kids and 2 dogs.
One thing I do know is that the younger me wouldn’t have liked that my hair is wash and wear, that full makeup is rare (read date night only), attire is just a quick pairing of what happens be clean and that I’m constantly forgetting appointments. She would wonder why it is that this mom couldn’t get a better system going. And hey she might even be right on a few things.
But what she wouldn’t have know is that this mom version of herself would sacrifice even blow drying her hair so that she could spend extra time to curl her daughters hair for picture day. She would take the time to label “lunch” or “snack” for her kids lunches without even knowing what she will have for breakfast that day. This mother would prefer to get through the laundry (with the help from hubby) as fast as possible so the family could get to making fun memories – forget sorting out laundry to be washed by each color of the rainbow. She would care about more about the snacks packed in the diaper bag for her hungry babes rather than the brand of the bag itself. She would think of herself as a hot mess and but not worry about being labeled. She would know that there are many victories in really messy situations.