I have been pretty love crazy my whole life.
I have fallen in love and fallen out of love about a million times. Always thinking, what if it’s destiny? What if this is the one? (I blame it on watching movies like Serendipity and Overboard at a young, impressionable age.)
Of course, now that I am am grown and married to the love of my life I look back and know that all those “loves” I had, were nothing compared to real love after all. I felt sorry for my younger naive self for getting so worked up about those fake loves!
That is, until I met her….
It wasn’t love at first sight. At first, I was more in awe of her than anything. She wasn’t some beautiful goddess come to steal my affection. She was…. average. Sweet. Calm. Calm in a way that made me feel calm after a lifetime of my brain running a million miles a minute. She made me want to pause and soak in every inch of her.
She consumed my mind. I love my husband, but I found myself thinking of her more and more, even while spending time with him. Slowly, but surely my love for her blossomed and grew day after day after day. Each day I would think I couldn’t love her anymore until I would fall asleep and wake up and to my surprise, have fallen even deeper.
She started to take my attention away from my husband. I would leave or ignore him just to be with her. I still love my husband but I began to feel that I might love her more…
Yes it is true that my husband is absolutely the love of my life, but I started to think that I might be so blessed as to have two loves of my life. Fortunately for me, as soon as my husband met her, he too began to love her.
Our daughter Vivienne was born February twenty first and she has completely stolen our hearts.
Woman often talk about falling in love at first sight with their babies or loving them before they are even born. That wasn’t the case for me. It could be that I had an extremely easy pregnancy. I hardly even felt pregnant until the last month or so and even then I was in no rush to push her out. I was content being pregnant. And she was the most gentle kicker. Plus, I didn’t feel any uncomfortable contractions until I went into labor and even that went relatively fast. I don’t admit it often in our mommy wars society, but the truth is “no, I didn’t love my baby as soon as she was born.” I felt extremely, savagely over protective of her, but that is not love.
My love for her developed and grew as she did. Even now at a year old I find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with her with every scrunch of her nose, squeeze of her hand and uneven step she takes.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom, and I had a great one, so I knew I would try to love my children as much as she loved us… but I never truly knew just how deeply I could love this little girl of mine. My husband and I have a new love of our lives and her name is Vivienne Elizabeth Mize.